Thinking Back, Part II

Over the next five years I systematically had my self-esteem stripped away until there was nothing left. I had no friends. He had completely isolated me from everyone. I didn't have any support and nowhere to turn. The day I turned 18 and moved out, my father disowned me. After I had Flower, I even reached out to my grandma and was turned away. The one person who had been like a mother to me all my life would not help me get out of that situation. I was physically abused just about everyday. I realized slowly he was an alcoholic as well. The more he drank, the meaner he got. Isn't that the way it always is with alcoholics? He was and still is a controlling bastard. He's also still an alcoholic.

In 1992 I left him late one night. I had prepared my escape plan well. Except, as with most things, my plans didn't go off without a hitch. That particular night I was at a friend's house with my youngest 2 kids. (the tale of my oldest son is another long story). It was a good thing I wasn't at home. He had gone to work overseas. He wasn't supposed to come back home for a few months yet. He told me many months later the reason he came home was because he had a feeling something wasn't right. I was over at the friend's house when two people came to a screeching halt outside the house. They were friends of mine and I had planned their part in my escape. The Great Escape wasn't for another few days or a week. I can't remember exactly.

They come running in shaking and upset. They told me that HE was back! I could only think OMG! What am I going to do? They told me he went straight to the apartment he and I lived in and kicked the door in. They jumped in the car and came to get me. They also wanted to get out of there because my ex would have headed straight for their door. I had no clothes for any of us, a handful of diapers and my purse. I had to jump in the car and leave right then. I had no choice and staying would have possibly meant my death.

It took a long time to build myself back up again. Like many women who have been abused, I had my share of "issues" to overcome. It was tough because this abusive relationship wasn't the only thing in my life to give me "issues." I like to think because of all I have lived through I am a better person today for having survived.

The one event that helped the most was meeting my hubby Gil. Without him I'm pretty sure I'd be dead. When I met him, I was skipping merrily down the path to self-destruction. I didn't care about a lot of things back then. The one person I cared about least was myself. He put up with a lot from me. I was so used to men using me for a punching bag that I did not and could not believe him when he said he would never raise a hand to me. I pushed Gil hard trying to make him hit me but he never would. It took time, but it eventually sunk in he really wasn't going to smack me around.

I found happiness and love unexpectedly. I never thought I'd be happy. I never thought anyone would love me for me. I thought I had to be who and what the other person wanted me to be. I expected to be rejected by Gil as I had so many times before when I talked about the stuff that happened to me. Thankfully none of it happened. We have been married for 15 years, together for 16 years and counting. He is my rock, my other half. No matter the abuse anyone suffers, you can be happy one day. Never give up! There is life after abuse.