Taking Time, Making Time

Here we are once again my friends. In the last post I said a bit about things people take for granted. Of course that got me to thinking on it, so I thought I'd blog about that tonight...errr this morning. *grin*

I know that when I was whole and healthy, I went about my days doing the stuff people do everyday. Things like going to work, walking, taking showers, running errands, volunteering at the kids' school, going to school stuff, grocery shopping, playing with the kids, going wherever you want, when you feel like it, making plans, washing your hair, shaving. All this and more are the things we call our lives.

Then one day, that life is changed forever. In the blink of an eye you're dealing with a new life, new ways of doing things. The person you used to be is still in there, in your mind, yet a new person was born the day it all changed. The before and after life, the before and after you. The smallest thing that once took no thought or effort is now a monumental task. Walking up stairs one time is something you thought of as a little bit of exercise in your day, now......now it's such an effort. It makes you hurt even more than you usually do and in the back of your mind you wonder if this is the time your leg or legs will give out on you and if you fall, how badly will you be hurt. Thinking about cooking your family dinner is the biggest hurdle of the day. Will you be able to stand long enough? If you do somehow make it...how much more pain will you feel and for how long? There's a lot of days you just can't do it at all.

There are so many things I never thought about before. Now, I'm confronted every single day by what I can no longer do, things I had to figure out a new way of doing just to get it done. It's a huge ordeal to have to go upstairs so I can take a bath. If I'm having a really bad day I can't even do that. Before rsd I cleaned the house in just a couple of hours. Cleaning now may take me a couple of days to get it all done. Doing the laundry isn't too bad because I just have to turn the knob on the washer, put the detergent in and get up to put it in the dryer and turn it on.

I can't sit on the couch or in a chair like a "normal" person. I have to lay on the couch now. If I have my legs and feet down for even 10 minutes, I'm in so much pain I want to cry. My legs and feet turn different colors and if it's too long, I begin to feel this pressure in my lower legs and I swear my bones will just explode out of my skin and be nothing but powder. Going in a grocery store is a test of endurance since walking is so difficult now. It's also very cold in stores so it brings me a big increase in pain. Going to the store, such a little thing, can put me on the couch unable to do anything at all for a couple of days. When I have to go to the doctor I pay for it in just that way.

All of this started with a fracture of my knee. An injury that isn't bad in the scheme of things. That one moment in time, one heartbeat, sentenced me to a lifetime of pain. It's hard emotionally when friends and family don't believe you and don't or won't understand. I've gotten "the look" from people I knew, people I thought were friends, and strangers. The look that says, "You look just fine to me." Yes, I look perfectly healthy. I don't have twisted limbs or any obvious sign on the outside people can see. I really wish I did sometimes. At least then everyone wouldn't judge me. I sometimes feel so alone and isolated from the world because I don't have friends anymore, can't go out. People just get fed up when they ask you to go somewhere or do something and you either say no outright or have to cancel because you're having a really bad pain day.

RSD can affect every part of your body, even your internal organs. It can strike anyone. It can hit anyone that sustains an injury. Most times it's a minor injury that gets it going.

My advice to everyone is this.....be thankful you are whole. Be thankful for everyday you have and for being able to do all the things you do. Take a moment of each day to give thanks. Hug your spouse and kids knowing that there are people out there that can't even do that because to be touched at all just brings unbearable pain. Don't take anything for granted. I wouldn't wish this on my most hated enemy but remember that it could just as easily be you.