Feel The Need

I wanted to come write a bit. I am upset, pissed.....I feel so much right now. Gil is the most irresponsible *&^%%$$# I've ever met! He doesn't tell me anything anymore. I don't know how much money we have or not. He insists he told me when I KNOW he didn't!! My memory is bad yes, but not that bad.

Our water bill is due and if it doesn't get paid they'll come lock the meter off until it does get paid. He was going to just sit here and not say a word about it to me! They don't send a late notice either. If you don't pay, off it goes! I'm hoping I will keep internet and phone but we can't pay that either. It's a week overdue as of tomorrow so if you don't see any entries here for more than 2 days you'll know we lost internet for the time being. Rent is due and I don't know how we're going to pay it. Electric is due on the 12th, it became a double electric bill since I got an extension on the last bill so we owe $370 I think it is.

I am so pissed that there are no jobs and that they won't give Gil more than part time. He makes about $800 a month right now and our rent is $850. That shows more than anything how bad off we are. I have heard nothing from the food stamp office about our case. Our total bills per month amount to about $1,500 for everything including my meds. You would think we'd qualify for expedited, but the lady said no. I'd love to know what the criteria are for expedited! Any other time the elec company would have send the final notice out the day the last bill was due but for some reason it wasn't done this time. The only way we can get help paying the bill is to have that notice!!!

I feel like we're drowning and there's no life raft to be seen for us to cling to or climb in. The new restaurant has been delayed in their grand opening for a week now. It's now that I hate myself for being more of a burden than anything. I can't go work, just sit here...lay here on the damn couch while our life and my body slowly falls apart. Of course the pain is worse because of all the stress. Speaking of which, things may get worse yet because Gil said we only have $80 to last us till Oct 10th. He went off to talk to the water people and I need my pain med refilled this coming monday. How am I going to do that with no $$$!!!!!!!!!!! Yet another reason to feel like bloody hell. Yea me.....NOT!

Ok.....I'm going to quit boring you to tears with my whining and complaining now. Be back later on to write more. I had to get this out and well....that's what this space of mine if for!