Disabilities

A lot of the people inhabiting this marble we live on has disabilities. Some are very apparent, others are not. The latter category are invisible disabilites. CRPS is one of them, Fibro is another. There are many others but you get the idea. It's the ones of us who live with invisible disabilites that can suffer greatly.

We suffer from people who judge us with one swift glance because we look perfectly "normal." The people who are and/or look young are judged quite harshly. There's the look of "Oh my, I wonder what's wrong with her.", or "What's wrong with her? I bet she's just faking it." Yeah, like we want to be a 90 year old trapped in a young body. It's how we get our kicks. Don't forget all the pity we receive too. We're faking it so well that we have completely snowed our doctors and the people who approve us to get disability. *snorts* We're all secretly rich too. We're famous in Hollywood because we are the BEST actresses in the world!

We suffer at the hands of people who are supposed to care for us. Judged by too many people as being some kind of drug seeking junkie who can't wait to get the next fix. We love taking all these pills. Can't you see the joy in our eyes?

Alice, a person with CRPS I know emailed me a rant she had posted online. She is also a very good friend of mine. She lives in hell daily while getting screwed by everyone. She gave me her permission to use it here.

"Feeling the need to rant tonight, I left the house for the first time in 3 days after an ER visit and don't want to leave again until I have to see the doctor on Thursday. I never want to leave the house again because I can't take it anymore. Yes I'm one bitter person at the moment. I don't need to be told that, I'm well aware.

I use a walker, I'm slow, I can't help it, I tick, I twitch and if a noise hits me wrong I might just scream. I've tried being a smiley, happy, whatever disabled person and I'm sick of the downright rudeness of people here. I'm sick of the stares, the dirty looks as I park in a handicapped spot and get the walker out of the back seat of the car. The she must be faking it looks because someone my age (37) can't possibly need a walker. I have a permit and an Illinois disabled person card to prove it. Some days I might feel perfectly normal, but most I don't. I made the mistake of leaving the house without the crutches before I got the walker once. I learned my lesson. That something as simple as a trip to the grocery store without some sort of walking assistant device isn't possible anymore.

I'm sorry I'm slow in the store and it's going to take you an extra minute to go around me and/or the person that is nice enough to help me shop. There is no need to be rude to the person helping me out. There is no excuse for pushing her out of the way so you can get what you want faster. There is no need to miss me with your shopping carts by only an inch as you go rushing by. There is no need for the nasty "Excuse Me" (you know the one where you look like you have a bit of poo under your nose and it stinks) when you and/or your uncontrolled kid/s almost run into me or run me over. (I've decided that "excuse me" is code here in Illinois for F you by the way). Please control your children in the store, there are playgrounds for letting them run loose. They are a danger to me and people like me. You wouldn't let them behave like that around their grandparents or other family member with a walker. I and every person with a walker/crutches/cane, etc. deserve the same respect. For that matter, I'm sorry to be moving too slow for the employees of the store to get around me without almost knocking me over on their way to whatever their manager wants them to do. I actually had a guy take the cart I was using one day from me as I was leaving the store. Leaving me to carry bags with crutches to my car, no offer of assistance, just, I'll take that cart so he didn't have to go and retrieve it later.

While I appreciate it, I really do, I don't need you stopping to let me cross in the parking lot and getting nasty when I wave you on. I know full good and well it will take me five minutes to cross that particular patch of pavement, and that one of the idiots that are pulling up behind you is probably going to decide they can't wait and run around you and almost hit me anyway. I know this because it has happened on more than one occasion around town. I know that you're trying to be nice. But trust me, I've only been at this whole disabled thing for about 5 months and I've learned to be wary of parking lots for just this reason.

If you want to know what is wrong with me, ask, but don't argue with me, or tell me that can't possibly be what is wrong with me. Don't tell me I don't look that sick, or one of my personal favorites, it'll get better soon. CHRONIC means it's not going away. I don't need to be told to go to the chiropractor, he's not going to be able to help. I'm tired of politely fending off medical advice. Don't tell me I need what kind of doctor I need to see unless you are that doctor and are willing to treat me for free. But at least you ask and don't stare, point or laugh. I know it's funny when I walk backwards or sideways instead of going forward, or when I'm having what I call a "twitchy" day and jerk or a noise hits me wrong and I scream or stand there rocking with my hands over my ears. I know you mean well, but I know what is wrong with me, what my prognosis is and that my doctors are doing their best to kill me. I'm on an HMO which as far as I'm concerned stands for Huge Moneymaking Organization. There is no profit in curing me they want to keep me as sick as long as they can so I can end up on Medicaid and Disability so they will be guaranteed payment for my "treatment" Yes bitter here too.

Thank you for listening to my rant and I'm sorry my disability is slowing down your rush to whatever. It is not like I planned this, I thought oh let's go and ruin whoever's day. Please don't take my slowness as a personal offense, I'm not out to ruin your day. Trust me, I'd rather not be taking up your precious time. I'd rather be doing something I used to enjoy, like hiking or yoga. Or for that matter being normal and secretly thinking thank the Gods it's not me, we all do it whether we want to admit to it or not.

The reply:Waaaa waaaa waaa people aren't nice to me. People aren't considerate enough. Please stay in your house, your exactly like the chumps I saw at the Secretary of States office that complain because they have to wait. Nothing is good enough for you people. If it were truly survival of the fittest you would be dead remember that next time you complain no one is nice enough for you. You would be dead if society didn't take care of you. EVERYONE HAS TO WAIT, NO ONE LIKES IT. GET OVER IT, and get on with your life being a shut in with your 1000 cats you fat loser.

P.S. Enjoy your walker I am going for a jog."

There it is, harsh judgment from some dumb ass who doesn't know her. He obviously didn't read her rant. She had this to say below the rant: "I don't even feel the need dignify this response with a reply, but for the record, so not fat and society isn't taking care of me, I'm allergic to cats, and did you read the rant? I don't care about waiting, I'd just rather not be run down while doing so. LOL"

Her rant really does say it all when it comes to those of us living with an invisible disability.