Babies, Tears and Laughter

So, I have totally putzed around and wasted the entire day doing absolutely nothing! Well, that's not quite true. I spent from just after 12pm until just after 6pm getting my dear, sweet, Patience's computer up and running again. She is so lucky her mom is a total computer genius! Got a trojan, virus, or an alien who has taken over your computer? No problem! I will track that sucker down from the first folder deep into the bowels of the puter where grown men fear to tread. I will laugh maniacally, cuss, yell and give a big WOOT! as I ruthlessly squash, delete and laugh in the face of danger in the maze of microchip land. Once I have the puter running smoothly and purring like a kitten, I sit back, smile and sigh contendedly. *gives myself a pat on the back* Yes siree, I am the woman!

I then took a few hours to indulge myself. Lying here on my couch, quickly flipping the pages of the book I am reading and snacking on whatever food I could lay my hands on. I am almost done with the book now and it seems it will be a slightly late night. I can't go to bed and leave 20 pages unread. I will be done with that piddly amount in about 5 minutes.

Around 10pm I put the book down to jump on the puter. I could not stay away from the blog I began reading last night, you know, the one about Matt and Madeline. I am almost caught up to the current time. I stopped only because I needed to blog. I have many fans who would be seriously disappointed to drop in tomorrow and find no entry. I have read about and devoured pics of the little princess and short clips as I laughed at times and shed some more tears as well. The honesty, the rawness of his words and watching the little one grow up is one thing I can't resist. Seeing her milestones reminds me I will soon have a new baby in the house.

I had forgotten many things about babies. I soaked it up like a sponge knowing in the coming months my little man will be doing these things too. I may end up making some people nauseous. Why? Because pics of my little dude's face and video clips will saturate the blog as I brag, boast and be completely obnoxious crowing about my grandson. *grins* Hmmm...I just had a thought. Instead of posting it here, I am going to begin another blog. It will be Tristan's blog alone. There I can post a god awful amount of pictures, clips and words as I detail his life for all to see. Everyone loves babies, especially cute babies. I know he is going to be cute and grow into a heartbreaker! He will inherit a buttload of cute genes ya know. People have told me how cute I am my whole life! *giggles*

I didn't feel like writing yesterday, errr...Friday and after wrestling the puter back into shape yesterday, I was in no mood or state of mind to shake an article on Myastenia Gravis out of my head. So, two days of no writing, nothing turned in. I feel awful, I really do. My "schedule" and "discipline" deserted me faster than rats on a sinking ship. To make up for it, today I will write and submit 3 articles in order to catch up to myself and the missed days. At least, that's what I'll shoot for. Gil and Patience will be home all day. I hope they will respect the blocks of time I shall carve out so I can do my job. I should say all I have to do is inform them that mommy is leaving the premises for a bit. In her place, Karen will show up to work until she needs to take a break from writing. Then mommy will be there to deal with any crises which may arise. I really, really hope there will be none or my carefully planned day will be in tatters.

Emotions

I've whiled away the last 2 or 3 hours reading a blog. I started out earlier reading some of the blogs I have on my blogroll over there. I had stopped by to read the blog by a daddy with the cutest boy named Max. His blog makes me laugh and he is a good writer. If you want to take a peek, you can go here.

I wandered to some of his past postings as I usually do with every blog I read. I got sidetracked onto this blog by Matt. I had known ahead of time I would cry. I went to the beginning and began reading. My smiling face slowly turned to one of shock, heartbreak and I dare say a bit of horror as I looked at the date. It was just last year. I have bawled my eyes out, smiled, awwwed and well....run through just about every emotion there is. I'm not done reading yet and likely won't stop until I've read every post up to the present.

What makes this blog by some dude so special? Well, to most people, probably nothing. Me being me it's very special. Being an empath I feel everything. He has not spared anyone, who dares to read his words, his pain and his joy. Oh, back to the what makes it so, at least to me. After much worry and bed rest, he and his wife on March 24, 2008 had the cutest baby girl ever! She was born about 7 weeks premature. On March 25, 2008, he and a nurse were taking her to see her daughter Madeline for some lingering looks and lots of touching. She had only seen her baby for a few short seconds after birth because they needed to take her to NICU. Just after she seats herself in the wheelchair she made a comment, passed out and despite everyone's best efforts, died of a pulmonary embolism. I should add she had been on bedrest for 5 weeks so you can understand where the blood clot came from.

I don't mean to sound callous about her death. I just reread that sentence and I tossed it out bluntly but I do not mean it that way. Sometimes things don't come out sounding so great when I type. So, I'm up to his daughter being almost 11 weeks old. My heart hurts for this man I've never met and don't know. To share such joy and have the love of his life cruelly yanked away leaving him to face life without her and raise their daughter. It made me think about my hubby. Would he have been able to carry on with Patience without me? I think he would. We had a baby girl he had waited for, about 8 months too long. It was a change considering the father(read sperm donor) of my first 3 who didn't give a rat's ass.

One thing he wrote that had me crying hard and so angry I could have chewed nails, was a comment made by a grandmother in the NICU 2 days after he lost his wife. A grandmother people! She said to him that he could give his baby up for adoption. Or that he should(?).....either way it made me see red. Of all the....I was speechless reading that yet had some choice words for that woman, mainly of the bad word variety about her and her parentage. How the hell could someone even suggest that? Did she think he would give up his child? Did she think that tiny baby girl's life would not be a good one just because her dad would be raising her? If I had been there and heard the comment I may have just knocked that ole bitch flat on her ass.

I stand in awe of two incredibly strong men I do not know, who were both widowed at way too young of an age with an infant to raise on their own. There are friends and family there for them. Strangers who became friends and lots of love all around. Nothing can ever make their world whole again. I already know life is short but they remind me, once again, how fast life can change. As I prepare for my oldest daughter to give birth to my first grandchild, I will continue to send out prayers to whatever Gods and Goddesses will hear me, that everything will be ok. I have four names to give to the deities to ask they be watched over. It's not much, but it is what I know.