Memory Lane, Serena Part Two

I grasp the windowsill and force myself to look down to the ground below. Even that small action seemed to take forever when it was only seconds since I had walked into the room. I look down and more minutes go by as my brain comprehends what it sees. My baby laying face down on the ground. 3 floors down on the ground in the dirt. 3 floors down face down on the ground in the dirt not moving.

I sucked in the breath I didn't know I had been holding and began screaming, "My baby, my baby, OMG my baby!" as I threw open the door and flew down the stairs. I am lucky I didn't fall and break my neck. It was a blur in time to me. There was only one thought in my head, it was please don't let my baby be dead, no no no no no no, oh god no!

I didn't realize how loud I was screaming, but everyone came running. When I burst into the courtyard I see her sitting up, wobbling a bit like a weeble wobble. Weird thought to have at the time, they weeble and they wobble but they don't fall down. I fell to my knees beside her wondering how badly she's broken. There are so many people now yelling at other people to get stuff, call 911, people talking to me at once. A thousand voices that sounded like the buzzing of bees.

I haven't not shed a tear yet. I remain calm and in control as my dad taught me to. I grasp the back of her neck and with someone elses help, layed her flat on the ground all without moving her neck. The only part of her that unbent were her knees. A blink later and there are the paramedics. My sweet serene child had not shed a tear but took one look at them and began to scream her bloody head off! She does not like strangers at all. I raised my voice telling her to calm down, she's ok, they won't hurt her. One of the paramedic guys looks at me and says, "Calm down, don't get upset, it'll only make her more upset." I look at him through dry eyes and inform him I am not upset, I'm trying to tone down her screaming before we all go deaf.

We literally lived across the street from the hospital so it took about a minute to get to the ER doors. My son had somehow appeared at my side as I climbed into the ambulance. Rushed into the back, her screams ringing in our ears. The hustle and bustle of ER personnel as they begin to assess the damage done to my girl.

I finally get her to calm down and stop screaming. *phew* I may never hear again but that's ok, screaming was good. It was a sound at that moment in time I cherished. Really broken kids don't scream like that. It meant she had to be ok, didn't it? Then came time for the x-rays. Hear we go again! Despite my assurances it won't hurt, no one is going to torture here, the screaming begins again. I am partly amused, mostly deaf.

That done, we can only wait for them to take a hard look at the x-rays to see how many broken bones she has. It seemed like forever to me. Then the doc walks in with this funny look on his face. I felt a sense of dread and thought, "OMG, it's worse than bad and how long will it take her to mend? Will she be rushed into emergency surgery?" The doc opens his mouth to speak and said, "She's going to be fine. There nothing wrong except for the dirt on her skin and a couple of scrapes."

I know my mouth was hanging open as my brain processed the info. There was nothing wrong? Not one broken, shattered, crushed or pulverized bone in her body? The look on his face had been one of shock! I was there with him and the whole freaking ER!

We did end up back in the ER at 10 pm that night. I realized they only took x-rays from her waist up, they never x-rayed her legs! Her right ankle swelled up like a balloon and I said, "Her ankle is broken!" I was right. Another set of x-rays later, she had broken the growth bone in her right ankle. Six weeks in a cast from mid thigh to toes and she was healed. I'm thankful it hasn't given her any trouble since then.

Memory Lane, Serena Part One

Last night I promised some memories of my kids. There are so many to choose from. What shall I tell first. Serena, my "baby" girl. I'll begin with what happened a few days after she turned three. This will be the only for tonight because it is quite a tale.

When she was three years old we lived in a 3 story apartment building. Of course we lived on the third floor. At the time we had Brent living with us too. They were in the bedroom playing with some toys and arguing, as all brothers and sisters do. I was in the livingroom doing some writing. I heard a fight break out and went to referee before someone got hurt. Dispute over the toy resolved I went back to the livingroom.

About one minute later I heard a noise I couldn't place and then a god awful racket. I knew immediately what that sound was. The fan had been knocked off the dresser. It was one of those oscillating fans and if it can't swivel it starts clacking. So, I go toward the bedroom and there is Brent standing just outside the door with the weirdest look on his face. I remember thinking, "Why does he look like that?" I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach suddenly though my mind wasn't registering that something was very wrong.

I step past him into the doorway and scanned the room. It was like time almost stopped, everything was in slow motion. I knew there was something missing and also there was something wrong with the window. In slow motion I cross the room still trying to figure out what was missing. It seemed like minutes before I got to the window. I lifted my left arm toward the window and extended it. My hand and part of my arm was outside now. How could that be? Where is the screen?

I am stopping here because it's too long to post it in one post. Come back tomorrow for the rest and no I don't enjoy torturing you.

Memories

Before I begin tonight's posting, I'd like to call attention to a new link I added to my Fav websites over there -----> on the side and down a little. *grin* It is HiSunglasses.com. There are some awesome looking shades there and if you get a minute, go check it out! It's worth the time, I promise.

Ok, on the the subject, memories. I guess every parent goes through it. You get older, your kids get older, grandbabies come. My first one, Tristan, is coming any day now. I find myself each year remembering when they were born, memories through the years, the things they did and said, the happy and omfg scary times. So, as I like to remember the memories, I wanted to share some with you.

I won't share birth stories because you'll have to wait for those. The order will be Monday, for my oldest son, Nov for oldest daughter, Feb for youngest daughter and April for youngest son. The last two will be flipped cause he was born in 91 and she in 94.

Ok, so they were awesomely cute kids! Don't believe me, take a look. This is my oldest son Kenny about a year old. Ain't he awesomely cute? *big, proud mama grin* I knew he was going to grow up and break some hearts, but I didn't know he'd become the spitting image of me!


So, here's my son all grown up, and yep, handsome as sin! He also married the love of his life Vanessa last year. I hope to meet her one day. I miss him being in Iraq but she misses him tons more than me! I think of them both everyday. I wish them many happy years, lots of anniversaries and a couple of grandkids for me. *grin*




Now to oldest daughter Heather and son Brent. Here they are, she's 4 yrs old and he was turning 3 yrs old a month later. The smiles are because they just got a new baby sister the week before. How cute are they?




Then, they went and grew up on me. I'm short, 5'2" and every one of them are taller than me. I still find myself a little disconcerted to have my children looming above me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. There she is just a week ago still carrying Tristan around.





Brent grew up to be bigger than I thought he'd be. He was such a skinny little kid. Then he hit about 16 and dang! He freaking shot up there! Not the best pic of me, but then, none are at this point. *giggles*






My "baby" girl Serena who is a gorgeous young woman. She will be a freshman in high school come August. *sigh* Just her and her brother in school now, he'll graduate next year. She was such a fat, happy baby. She's 6 months old here. We were at the causeway for some fun and water fun that day.






Now, oh my "baby" is not a baby anymore! She looks like me, like her sister, takes after me with that red hair, attitude. They both have.....all of them have LOTS of attitude!





Well, I shared memories of then and now, but wasn't that fun? I'll do actual memories tomorrow, and maybe a pic or two while I'm at it.

Laughing,Kids,Pain and Stuff

Yes, I'm going to cover it all tonight! You get a total 3 ring circus of laughing, stuff about kids, stuff about pain and just stuff. I find my brain is all over the place tonight. It's a whirlwind in there with debris flying everywhere. Sort of like a tornado. We can hope the flying cow won't make an appearance though.

Laughing. This happened because of my oh so adorable, bug eating, lizard catching fur babies. Ahhh yes, got to love them! 2 days ago now Shanni at a very BIG bug. How do I know? The wings. O.M.G!! They were some pretty big wings, see through with a black stripe on each one. No, I don't know what kind it was. I just know it was big by the size of them suckers. I did not catch this *gulp* eating thing until it was all gone. I noticed Fuzzy Butt and Furry Tail sitting close, huddled, in conference, casting furtive looks toward to sliding glass door. This always means they've got a "bug". I leaped out screaming, NO,OMG, NO NO NO! As Fuzzy Butt looks at me, innocence all over her cute face, "What?" *licks chops* "I'm not doing nothing" *licks chops* Let's say it again...O.M.G! GROSS. It was all gone, only 4 huge wings left lying on the ground, not so much as a big leg anywhere. *shudders in disgust* Oh yeah, gross.

Oh, the laughing part...that was today. They both come charging in the house, hot on the trail of something. I was starting to shake wondering what the hell they may have chased right into my house. Me, alone, scared of all things crawly and squirmy. Hoping, praying it was a lizard. I move shoes, *an undignified girly scream erupts, abruptly cut off* Yep, it's a lizard. Not a huge one, thank goodness. The way it shot out, right toward me is what produced the sound erupting from my mouth. I'm sooo not a girly girl either. My voice actually changed when I hit puberty, it got a little deeper. No, I am not kidding. No, I do not sound like a man. I have a sexy voice. Lots of people told me so. *sniffs haughtily* I somehow manage to get it out the door and set it free, sides heaving, sucking in air. Not me, the lizard.

Kids part. Kids are precious and special. It sucks being an empath sometimes. I lived the first 25 or so years of my life feeling different, but not knowing why. Not that it bothered me much really. I was a very shy girl. Make it painfully shy. I had red hair, freckles and glasses. 'Nuff said. Add what I felt inside, it produces a introverted people watching, nature loving, devoted reader, writer and trying not to get close to people. Holding myself aloof. *snorts* That didn't work all the time. It was easy to do with everyone in my family. Except my grandma, grandpa and mee maw who I adored till the day they died.

Ok, so more laughing came from reading this blog. What a ride this woman has been on, is still on, will always be on. I admire her, I laughed with her, I cried and my heart twisted. Each time I read about the loss of another woman's child, her struggles with a child who is sick, it has me saying, Thank the Goddess. I do what other mother's do and am thankful my children are ok, healthy. It's no disrespect to them, goodness no! It's just normal and entirely human. Each time I read the blogs of these women, I have the utmost admiration, respect and just plain awe of them. I wonder had anything been different would I be handling things as well? I can answer yes, I would. My children are my world and I am a tigress, a wolf. I have more to read on her journey to now. I start at the beginning and work my way to the present.

Pain is pain. The four letter cuss word I loathe and hate lately. The word that tries to drag me down, P.A.I.N. Nope, it won't. I refuse to let it no matter how bad it wants to be. I have better things to do, thankyouverymuch! I said to Gil earlier that I'm sick and tired of the pills. It seems on some days I am taking something every half an hour. It's not that often but days like yesterday and today, it feels like it. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be over this. Pain will never, ever, in a million, billion years take me down.

My RSD survey I made up one month after I was diagnosed is struggling to find new life. The first time, May 2003 to May 2005 I had 55 people respond. It disgusts me how so many sit around whining, complaining, moaning about the need for awareness. The need to educate others about RSD. Show people it is not rare, show them this and that. Yet, when it comes down to DOING SOMETHING...they do NOTHING!! It makes me angry. The apathy they show. I guess whining is easier than doing. It's a survey for pete sake! I started a book at the time as well. A book about RSD which would feature some facts, squash myths, but most of all would show in vivid detail the millions of us with RSD. It would feature the real stories and voices of RSD. Sharing with the world how it affects us and our families. I received a handful of stories, literally a handful. This makes me even more angry. I'm not asking for your life story, just a piece of it. Maybe this time I'll get a better response. It doesn't appear that way, but I hope. I posted my results so far on 2 boards. Last time I look 18 people had read it on one board. The only 2 people who responded were ones who had already done it. The other board, 12 people had read it and no one responded. Apathy at it's finest everyone.