Bragging

I think I like this slightly lighter blue.

I waited to boast and brag upon my brilliant self. I waited to get paid first, to see actual moola in my account before letting the floodgates of bragging open. It has now happened. My very first PAID article! *big, huge smile* I am a paid writer! My first article I talked about a few posts ago was accepted with a bonus upfront payment. It feels awesomely good.

It's only the beginning and won't be anything approaching a steady income for quite some time. I took one tiny step forward, put it out there and prayed like crazy! I was all set for a rejection. I braced myself for this article to be sent back with numerous reasons why it was practically thrown in the trash bin, along with an even longer list of what needed to be fixed. I sat on the edge of my couch for over a week, waiting. If I hadn't stopped biting my nails years ago, I would have been biting them now. To have it accepted with payment and then published has sent my pride soaring among the clouds that decorate our azure blue sky.

Why, after the many reams of paper I've written over years, haven't I done this before now? It's easily summed up with one word, Fear. I have let my fear of rejection hold me back. I let fear I wasn't "good enough" keep me from trying. After all, look around the web and in real life. There are people who write much better than I do. I read A LOT. Reading anything and everything is a lifelong passion. All that my brain has soaked up over the years has left me wishing I was half as good as "everybody else." Mumbling to myself "I'll never be that good." It never mattered how many compliments others paid me on what I wrote. A part of me whispered, "It's not that good. They're only saying that because they're your friend." Until I received compliments from people who weren't my friends....yet.

I took the plunge now to build up an income we really need. Rather, I hoped to be able to make an income. I also needed to feel useful and like I am contributing to the household again. Each year I recognize a little something more in my journey of living with rsd. I realized I did let rsd take things away from me, even as my mouth spoke the words, "I haven't let rsd take anything from me or rule my life. I rule it!" The only true part of that sentence is I haven't let it rule my life. I have let rsd take my words, some of my self-worth and my self-esteem. I feel as useful as a bump on a log. I will now begin to take it all back and do something. I am worth something, I do have a lot to contribute and maybe part of the reason I was gifted with rsd is to help bring more awareness through my words. Yes, I said gifted with rsd. All things happen for a reason. I'm a believer in fate and karma.

For the few people who may actually read my blog but haven't read my article, here is the link, just in case I neglected to send it to you. Treatment Option For CRPS/RSD.

Yes I am proud and for the friends I can now count on two hands who have already read it, ignore the link. *grins* My best friend since high school recently wondered aloud on her blog who read her postings. She pointed out she's never received any comments. Being the kind of person who can't let that pass, I immediately commented on that post. *silly grin* Here's the reference in my own post I promised her I would make so she could comment back. Anyone else want to leave a comment? Just to say Hi even?

Thank you all for your patronage. Please be sure and return for the next installment of, As Karen's Life Turns and She Becomes A Real Writer.